Aaron is the World’s WORST Father!

Let’s set the stage. It was a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon and the Blue Angels were scheduled to fly at 3:30 PM. This was bound to be a great day for a certain 3 year old and his 1 year old co-pilot. The plan was set in stone. He had been briefed and the mission was presented to both Grandma and Grandpa as well as Tante (his Aunt who thinks that Aunt Anna is too much of a tongue twister and she would prefer to avoid alliteration always.)

First there’s going to be REALLY BIG PLANES! Then they will be REALLY REALLY LOUD! And then they will go UPSIDE DOWN and BACKWARDS!

So after dropping off Momma Kezia at Grandma’s house they were strapped in and ready for launch. Off they went to the air show. Clarence continues preparing Aaron for the upcoming mission as he looks for a parking spot. No sooner does he find one that he hears one of the sweetest sounds ever to grace a father’s ears: The faint snore of 2 pleasantly sleeping toddlers.

After cracking open an Arizona Iced Tea, Aaron decides to keep driving hoping that the gentle rumble of the road passing beneath Juanita’s wheels would keep them in a state of hibernation to satisfy a deep seeded need (oh wait that isn’t alliteration) for a 2 hour nap. The drive was as pleasant as any rolling over the hills of MO-94 and county highway D. A route Aaron has come to love over the last year. But when the opportunity arose to take a different route he pounced on it and headed north on highway N towards Highway Z and I-70.2015-11-01 08

At 90 minutes into the mission, the boys were still in hibernation when Aaron approached an unfamiliar intersection at routes N and Z. It veered off in several directions and Aaron was unsure what to do. Confirming a Northward Tack on his compass he decides to turn to the right and fails to notice a stop sign until after he notices the cop quickly approaching on his 9. With quick reflexes he attempts to slam on the breaks only to find out he is half way through the intersection and decides to just continue onward to the nearest parking lot to be court martialed for his reckless endangerment.

The officer noticed the sleeping children and after confirming that Aaron was of sound mind and sober constitution whispers that he will ONLY write him up for the stop sign so he can get back on his way.

*Wait. Time out.*
What else could he have gotten me for?? I’m sure I will always wonder.
*Time in.*

Aaron quickly get’s back on the road, disappointed about his small fine and notices that his Junior soldier has awoken. Anxious to keep his superior officer in hibernation, Aaron reaches for his Emergency Snack kit for supplies. Pretzels proved to be a sufficient snack for the young pilot so long as they came in sufficient numbers. He was pacified for another 30 minutes when Captain Clarence awoke from his slumber and exclaimed.

OK, it’s time for the Air Show!

Unsure of what to tell him he does the only thing he can think of, Daddy tells the TRUTH. “We… *gulp* Missed… *shudder* the air show.”

Clarence roared in righteous anger like Napoleon at Waterloo or Hector at Troy. This defeat was too great for his little heart to bear. He sat in bitter tears for whole minutes until… a light shined off in the distance. The soft glimmer of the evening sun glistening on a playground! At last! Joy was to be restored. Aaron, still feeling guilty for costing the mission due to his insufferable desire to give naps to his children, remembered an even better playground that they had just passed and promised that they would go to it.

For 25 minutes they searched in vain for it had vanished like the forbidden city in the evening sun. Having lost all hope, Cpt. Clarence remembered his sorrow and wailed once more. Desperate for a respite from his cries, Aaron decided to DECEIVE his child and take him to the “Air Show” also known as Lambert Airport.

They parked in the cell phone waiting lot, set up the tailgating seats, and waited for the show to start. The jumbo jets taxied, the puddle jumpers landed, and the helicopters lifted off and Clarence was fooled. The air show was everything he hoped it would be and happily got back into his car seat, eager to tell grandma all about it. The mission was a success and the only casualty was my Aaron’s honor, for he had LIED to his son.

When they returned home, he debriefed with Grandma.

There were Big BIG planes. They were REALLY LOUD. But… But… they didn’t go backwards?

The End.

I would never be the same. I would always be the WORST Father.P4043568

Have you lied to your child recently? Tell us about it in the comments. We might just give you the opportunity to share your story. And if we do, I’ll throw in a Bumper Sticker. Until next time, Thanks for driving with us.




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